It can be a horrible feeling, knowing that someone has forced you into sex. It can make you feel confused, upset and angry. They might have been demanding and aggressive. They might have pressured you to do it and tried to guilt-trip you by saying you’d led them on i.e you triggered them, or you should do it if you really loved them. They might have held you down, or threatened to hurt you. Or they might have taken advantage of you when you were drunk or moody, and of course didn’t know what was going on. If someone has forced or tricked you into sex, this is called ‘sexual assault’. Sexual assault is anything sexual – oral sex, penetrative sex, fingering – that you didn’t agree to and that makes you feel uncomfortable, scared or threatened. It includes if someone has sex with you when you weren’t able to freely agree to it – for example, when you were asleep, drunk or affected by drugs. Why did they do this to me? It might be because: ¤ They wanted to have sex regardless of what you wanted ¤ They wanted to force you into sex as a way to hurt you and to show you that they’re the boss ¤ They decided that you ‘owe’ them sex as a boyfriend and used this as an excuse to force you into it they were so focused on what they wanted. ¤ That they didn’t stop to find out what you wanted, or chose to ignore any signs that you didn’t want it, or ¤ They wanted to ‘score’ to impress their mates, so they can feel like a ‘real’ man. The main thing to remember is don’t blame yourself One of the most helpful things you can do is to learn not to blame yourself for sexual assault. Many people worry that it’s their fault or that there was something they could have done to stop sexual assault from happening. Remember, the following things may have resulted to it. ¤ you had already been kissing them or doing other sexual things with them ¤ you were flirting with them ¤ you accepted a lift or went home with them ¤ you have agreed to be their girlfriend ¤ you were wearing sexy clothes, ¤ you were drunk or affected by drugs ¤ you were not asking not to be forced into sex. No one has the right to force you into sex – not even your boyfriend or husband. You don’t owe anyone sex, and you don’t have to have sex to prove you love someone. Some other things to know is Giving in doesn’t mean that you agreed to have sex. If you gave in because the other person made you scared of being hurt, or treatend to end the relationship then giving in was a way of surviving the experience. It doesn’t mean that the sexual assault was your fault. Unfortunately, sexual assault is common – you are not the only one who has experienced this. So get up clean up and tight your best next time. If possible end the relationship for your safety, or make him understand things.s their fault or that there was something they could have done to stop sexual assault from happening.